I haven't visit my page for ages. I've been kindda lazy to do so. There's just too many work to do with so little time and honestly I don't even know what to write. Anyway, forget about all that. Gonna start my fourth year now and I'm finally a senior! I managed to survive my freshman, sophomore and junior year. Should I say Yay? I feel more like groaning because the expectations is higher. Urgh..

I don't feel like coming back. Part of it is because I've been enjoying my laid back holiday too much but mostly is because I don't want to go back to that dreaded ol' T-town. Bleurkhh... I don't know why. Ever since I step foot there I have never once feel comfortable or totally happy. But at least I managed to come to term with that dreaded place. Thank God I managed to do that.

To me its a sorrowful place. It depends on peoples perspective really. From my view, I have no heart for it. I have no idea why but being there every single time it makes me feel hollow. To say that this is the farthest that I've travel, being away from my family and friends is not true. I've travel farther and yet I've never felt so alone and outcast like what T-town did to me. It sucks.

I've been here for a full three years but still I haven't been able to find a heart for it. Me being here, sometimes I feel like I'm just pretending. Like I'm putting up a show. A facade. And honestly, I'm tired of it. Its mentally and physically exhausting. When I'm in T-town and when I'm back home is like two totally different person. I guess that is another reason why I don't wanna go back. Because I'm just sooo damn tired. But anyhow, no matter how hard I try to resist i still have to continue my studies so I've gotta suit up my armor and face it. Daa~

 As I grow up or in other word, grow older, I tend to realize what is important in life. What was important to me 2-3 years ago isn't as important as it seems to be now. My perspective, my outlook in life is different. I guess that is what we call being mature. Being mature doesn't mean that you'll missed out all the fun or that you have to sacrifice the fun,wild, and crazy side of yourself. No. You can still be fun and outgoing. Its just that you're more cautious and you evaluate things.

       I know I know it sounds boring but honestly it isn't though. I used to think back then when I was 16 I was matured enough. Thought i knew how the world works. Thought I can conquer the world. Man, how lame was that? LOL I still cringe every time I remembered it. Over the years life has taught me many important lessons. It teaches me to be patient (which is something that I lack of), it teaches me to deal with people and most of all it teaches me to value the person who loves and cherish you. In this world today, youngsters are so busy catching up with the latest gadgets and trends, and I'm not saying that its bad. No no no. I'm just saying that sometimes we focus on things too much that we don't realize that we're putting people aside. We pride ourselves with standards that we achieve when fact is, it doesn't really mean a thing if you don't have people to share it with. You see people like to wait. They'll say "I'll do it tomorrow" or "I'll give them a call later" and then you forget about it because we take things for granted especially when we are young.

Don't wait. Appreciate it while its there.

  Being mature, it makes you reevaluate your life. You start to appreciate people more instead of things. The decisions that you make are better and wiser because you'll think about how your choice will effect your future. But what I like most about being mature is that you don't have to take life in such a hurry anymore. Because things can be replace but people don't.  And even when you lose them like I have loss someone dear to me not so long ago, yes you'll definitely feel sad but apart from that you'll also feel happy not because they are gone but because you do not take them for granted and that you make an effort to be with them and spend your time with them. Because, all of that, is going to be only a memory left behind.

   Before I go, I wanna share a story with you guys. Well its not actually a story, its more of a fact or truth of what happened. A doctor told us that when a patient is admitted to the ward due to a small bedsore, at the beginning everyone is there to visit; close friends, friends, distant relatives. But when it start to smell, then your close relatives might come, your close friends might come, but not your friends nor your distant relatives. However, when maggots starts to appear from the wound of the bedsore ( meaning that its getting worse), the relatives and friends stop coming. The only ones that remains is the mother. Wife sometimes. Maybe sometimes. But the mothers will ALWAYS be there. So, be mature, prioritize the people in your life, and don't forget to have fun ;) daa~

People who loves you, THEY are your priority

Life begins...

Life begins when you leave your comfort zone

hey guys (:
its been a long time since I last updated my blog..sorry to say that I'm pretty lazy to do so. But anyway since I'm having my semester break, I decided to share my thoughts with you guys. I now know that there are a lot more people than I expected read my blog. I created this blog just for fun and out of curiosity.
 
    Anyway, back to main topic here. Life begins when you leave your comfort zone. Interesting isn't it? It never cross my mind before until lately. It sounds absurd at first but when you think about it there is truth in it. I mean really. It is so true. A comfort zone is like a safety cave.

   When you step out of your comfort zone you'll see that its a whole different world out there. When I was in secondary school I thought I own the world, thought I knew how people are, what life is all about. Hah yeah right. I was so wrong.

   Leaving that comfy zone sucks but you have to. It helps you grow as a person. It teaches you a lot of things. It teaches you how to deal with your own emotions, people, surroundings, difficult situations and a great deal more.

   Leaving it also marks the beginning of misery in your life. That is when you realize that hey, life isn't as easy as it used to be when I was 16 or 17. Well that is because when you are 16 or 17 you are still living with your parents and you don't have to think or worry about anything. everything is basically there for you. If there is anything lacking all we did was "Mom we're out of eggs" or "Dad I'm out of shampoo" and before you knew it a dozen eggs or a bottle of shampoo appeared. It's like magic. You don't have to do anything.

  I'm not saying that its going to be horrible ALL the time. No. But most of the time. When i first dumped my comfy zone I wasn't thrill. I almost freaked out. But hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I survived. Hell yeah! And ever since then its been a bittersweet adventure for me. There are times though I have to admit where I was tempted to go back to my comfort zone because life is much more easier when you are in it compared to when you are not.

  But then when you look back at what you have accomplished and learned, you realized that its not that bad. Life is never easy. It is full of never ending problems and strings of complicated situation. However, i can tell you that it is worth it.

  So smile, relax and take it all in a stride people. Daa~

Windsor, CO

Somehow i was itching to write about Windsor. i don't know why but somehow or rather i kept thinking about it today..i miss it so bad. to those of you who have never heard of windsor, well  let me tell you that windsor is a place in Colorado.it's a small town with friendly people. it is situated near the rocky mountain and where ever you turn the rocky mountain sort of surrounds you.

there's a saying goes 'if you don't like the weather in colorado just wait for 5 minutes'. its weird but it is so true. at first i myself find it hard to believe but after a while you'll start to realize that they are not joking. seriously. it'll be hot and sunny for 5 min and raining and windy the other..

and talking about the weather, windsor was turned upside down by a mile wide tornado in 2008 (i think i got the timeline right).everyone was shocked. nobody expected it. we were all scared shitless i can tell you that.

the day started out pretty good minus the fact that the weather was dark and gloomy but everyone's reaction was just 'oh its pretty dark today eh?'

even when the hail started everyone was relaxed. it normal weather transition from spring to summer they said..the hail was small to begin with and that's why nobody was worried..for those of you that have no idea what hail is, its basically a ball or irregular lump of ice. Hail forms in strong thunderstorm clouds, particularly those with intense updrafts, high liquid water content, great vertical extent, large water droplets, and where a good portion of the cloud layer is below freezing.

pebble size hail.

after a while it starts to get bigger and bigger and some even suffered head injuries.

imagine these huge golf size hail falling down from the sky.

this is when we knew that something bad is going to happen. i mean seriously, a huge ball of ice falling down from the sky is just NOT right.

everybody started to freaked out and to make it worse the phone line went dead.. yeah great. we manage to get an info that there is a huge mile wide tornado that has hit windsor. it took everyone by surprise. people started to cry, everybody was pale and compared to the commotion inside the building, it was dead quite outside. i finally knew what it was like to know that you might be a goner. 

counting that we were lucky after being hit by not one but 3 tornadoes in one day we were cleared to go back home..going back on that day suck. i'll show you why.

these are just the minor damages.i can't go near the centre zone.

windsor looked like a war zone..the houses, the trees and everything was tear apart. since then everything was focused on rebuilding the town. my regards, love and prayers goes to the town i once called home. daa~

Are we there yet?

So, are we there yet?


it is an interesting question to ponder don't you think? ok probably you might get confuse..there?where?well, where ever you want to. given an example say... you want to help others to be a better person by giving them advise. are you there yet? are you a better person today than what you are yesterday?

            we often overlook the smaller details while focusing on the bigger picture. we say to people 'hey, you should do this not that' or 'wear this don't wear that'. problem is, have we look at ourselves and pinpoint our own flaws? rarely isn't it? we seem to forget to consider that other people have feelings too. we don't consider how we approach them and we don't try to look at things using their perspective just as long as the message is delivered.
           funny how we are so focus on changing the others into a so call better person but we never seem to think about changing ourselves into the better person. why is it? i see this happening all around me. is it  because we think that we are good enough? that we are perfect? are we? are we perfect?are we there yet?

            personally i don't think anybody is. and you know what is interesting? that whenever people are in the 'mood' of giving advises, one of the most common, cliche sentence that comes out of their mouth is 'I know I'm not perfect but the advise i'm giving is not just for you but a reminder to me as well'.
           well i'll say cut the crap! stop using the same lines over and over again. it hurts my head and its freaking annoying. if you yourself in the first place know that you're not perfect then correct yourself first. don't stick your nose into other peoples' business trying to make them better when you are not.

            i mean what is their problem? they have this attitude of  like well i know i'm not perfect but i'm gonna advise you anyway.urghh...why don't YOU learn to walk in a straight line first before teaching others..
           seriously, have anybody heard of role model before? well, try to be that before you start giving your words of wisdom. or at least make sure that the adviser acts better than the person receiving the advise.

         when you don't talk the talk and don't walk the walk, hey, people are not going to like you honey.so do do a quick checklist on yourself first before thinking about telling other people to change. see whether YOU are perfect before telling others to be one.

         wrapping up, i say try to look at ourselves in the mirror more often so that whenever those 'moods' starts pounding, you'll stop for a sec to think are you there yet?if its a yes then by all means do give out your words of advise to everyone everywhere. but if its a no no then zip your mouth, throw away the keys and don't open it til you are fit to give an advise ok :)

                                                              too bad  this happens quite often.

Exams anybody?

ok i'm freaked out.
there. I've let it out.
but somehow it doesn't help me at all. i'm still stressed out. darn it. this is the defining moment where i start to regret all those time that i have been fooling around in class and not paying attention and wish that i could turn back time to start all over again.

i mean seriously, study week is the worse and by far fastest week on earth. really. I'm not kidding. It's like one or two days are missing in a single week. How can that be?Its as if after Monday is done with his shift, Tuesday decides to take a leave and so is replace by Wednesday. Argghhh it's so frustrating. how come that does not happen during the 'normal' days? say when i have class everyday from 8-5. yes, now the whole world knows that my class is from 8-5 everyday alright. and yes I'm a university student. ouh and that does not include night classes. pleasant isn't it?

another thing about exam and study week is that my poor room will be neglected. really. who cares about a messed up room when your mind is going crazy thinking about viva and all those thick and i do mean THICK books with all those pathogenesis and mechanisms that you have yet to read and understand and memorize?

                                                        this is AFTER i did some cleanup ok.
                                                        i can't let people see the ugly truth.
                                                        to us (that's me and my roommate) this
                                                        is considered decent alright.

                                                        ok this I'm proud to say is NOT my drawer.
                                                       belongs to my roommate.
                                                       should i mention the name?
                                                       nah, probably not. if i do, those future husband of
                                                       her thats lurking somewhere out there might
                                                       cross her off the list as a potential wife to be.

  

                                                         umm... i don't think I'm gonna comment
                                                         anything on this one
                                                                                                        

                                                          its FOOD!!! glorious can, preserved food.... 
                                                        

                                             what you can see is just half of the books that can be 
                                                           stacked on that teeny tiny shelf.
                                                             i guess we need a bigger one XD

So this is what happen every time exam week knock on my door and decided to stay for the weekend. i became some sort of a nomad, moving here and there. going from room to room asking tons of questions, pleading for explanations, and checking for answers to the exercise questions that i did which took almost the entire day. this is why my room looks like a shipwreck. maybe not just A shipwreck. maybe its two or even three shipwreck.

before a conclusion is made, i just want to make it clear that this RARELY happen...it only happens during the exam time. its not terminal but its pretty much like a recurrent disease. or seasonal maybe. but when it does happen, hey a person can get lost in that small space and a treasure hunt could be hosted in that room.

anyway those mess couldn't even compare to the mess that i have in my head. my brain is running out of gigs and i still have a chunk of cvs that haven't been covered yet. therefore i got to go. need to zip the all the infos to make way for the new ones. daa~

      phew......okay so i had a very long tiring week..haven't been able to actually to relax instead i have 2 double up my energy to get through a couple more of hectic week. but hey i'm sneaking in some of my time publishing this post. so talk about hectic week means that there's definitely tons of meeting with....people. talking about people, i wonder why do we bother so much to be like everyone else and not just embrace who n what u are??we hide our uniqueness or individuality so to speak just because others don't understand it?? why not make them understand? and ouh, i guess its easier to stereotype n judge people rather than getting to know them.

                            i missed the time where there are friendliness in the neighborhood,  open minded n eager learners n those who give good n sensible suggestion. pardon me, but i do think that we are losing those qualities and we are also losing passion. passion to fight for the right, passion to do what we believe in or even passion for life itself.

     ppl might question why this song is posted.well, there's no solid reason for it basically..just coz...